Hello my lovelies. How you all doing?
Well, you may have noticed that my blogs have changed recently. I’ve been blogging about very serious and important topics rather than myself. Well my blog today’s actually taking a step back. I want to write a blog post about my year in 2016 with the help of social media. I know there’s going to be painful parts in this blog, but I feel it needs to be done.
So 2016 in a quick summary. There has been births, a death, a wedding, I’ve ditched my bras, gone vegetarian, lost a lot of weight, began a battle with several mental health problems, lost friendships, found new friendships, suffered bad with my chronic pain, added additions to my tattoos/piercings, bought my dream wedding dress, then cancelled my wedding completely. Vlogged for the first time and last time, laughed a silly amount and cried way to much, and probably much more.
So let’s start off with the beginning of the year. This was my first post on social media ……So I will admit not the best way to start off my year. It appears to me I was really suffering bad with my chronic illness/ fibromyalgia. I can actually remember a lot of crying taking place at the beginning of the year. However, fast forward to today, I’m having a lot more better days now.
Next we have mid year to the end. Well this was a sh*t time. I’m not going to lie to you. This year I’ve really suffered bad with my mental health. I was digsnosed with depression, anxiety then body dismorphic disorder. I self harmed a lot, cried a lot and was even suicidal. I know this isn’t nice to read but it’s what happened and still is for some parts. In the end I lost count of how many times I sat and cried at night doing stupid things to myself. I started to vlog my progress in getting better, however due to unfortunate circumstances I stopped vlogging. However bring us to today, I’m getting there. Depression is always going to be with me though, for the rest of my life. That little bugger isn’t going anywhere, I just need to learn to live with it. I’m alright with that strangely enough. I’m still suffering with BDD, but my anxiety is getting better.
Now this part I know is going to hurt me so much to talk about but it’s a review of my life and I need to talk about it. So I do believe it was on the 31st of October me and my partner (now ex) broke off our relationship. We had been together 8 and a half years, and we just didn’t feel the love anymore. It happens from time to time. It hurts me because we literally planned, booked and sorted parts of our wedding out. I bought my dress, and more, but it wasn’t meant to be. I’m not going to go into details of why we broke up, as it wouldn’t be fair on my ex, but he knows my reasons behind it and accepts them.
Next part of this little story is…. I’ve met someone else. Now I know people will be thinking how can you move on already but I have alright, deal with it. It must just be the way I am. He is absolutely amazing and has helped me so much over the past month-2months. He treats me how I’m actually meant to be treat and talks to me how a guy should. I am just so happy and luck to have a guy like him come into my life. He treats me like a queen and that’s all I’ve ever wanted. He doesn’t realise how amazing he is. He’s so special to me. Anyway I’m getting all soppy here. I’m spending Christmas and new year with him and I couldn’t be happier. It’s upsets me that I know that may hurt a few people, but I wasn’t happy in my past relationship and was hurting for a long time. I’m allowed to be happy now.
Those who had been following my mental health recovery, will know that I’ve actually been off work for nearly 6 months. Well all that’s about to change I’m even going back to work next week and I’m so looking forward to!
This year really has been a world wind. I never in a million years could have predicted a year ago, that I would be in this position. So much has happened, l can’t quite believe it. Being honest, I feel quite content in life. Not 100% as I still have a long way to go with my mental health, but I feel steady for once. I’ve wanted to feel some sort of normality for such a long time, it feels odd.
So to finish off I apologise so much for causing anyone pain or upset in this blog. They will all know who they are. I want to say a massive thank you to everyone who has supported me and helped me get through so much poop lately. I just hope that 2017 is a lot nicer to me. I have so much planned I’m sure it will be great.
Thank you to all you amazing people who still follow me and still continue to support me. You are all my lovely little pet lambs. It means so much to me that you continue to be here and let me rant away. So thank you
Here is to 2017!